I got chris browned last night
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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