So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
