I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
