guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
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