I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
