wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
it's great music for shaving your balls
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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