hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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