Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
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I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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