What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I have surprise drugs for everyone
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
