True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
