What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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