I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
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