Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
me + whiskey = a bad person
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
