Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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