just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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