yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
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