John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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