Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Randomize
