Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Randomize
