i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
