Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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