mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Randomize
