I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
