Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I need a burrito and a hug.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize