Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
