i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
