Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
