I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
