Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
