Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
