that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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