I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
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Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
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did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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