This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
