Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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