on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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