i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
