you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
