so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
