Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
