he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
