dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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