Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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