i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
