I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
