He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
