I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
