Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
