new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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