he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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