so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Randomize
