Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
