My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
