I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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