You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I need to calm my uterus...
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize