I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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