Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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