you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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