Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
