he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
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It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
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We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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