do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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