i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
