That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
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Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
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I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
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