I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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